It was a rough night trying to sleep with all the discomfort. My lower right side lip had been unexplained and numb for a couple of days. I started to get leg cramps and found it difficult to stay still.
We drove into our 7:30am appointment and I needed a wheelchair from the car because I was in too much pain to walk. I went from the wheelchair to a stretcher in no time because it hurt to sit up too much. Wondering why the whole time that I waited another week to do this. The pain didn't subside and I was able to get a small IV dose of morphine and IV Zofran to help make me more comfortable.
I barely drank a quarter of the required drink for my PET/CT. I started to feel better after about 20 minutes, but was still laying down on the stretcher. I preferred the chilly air and didn't want a blanket because the heat would upset my stomach. I barely made it through the scan. My LDH panel was very high and a few other numbers were high suggesting that my body was struggling to fight something. At this point I was just waiting for my room to be ready and for the pharmacy to prepare my chemo so I could get started.
They explained that I had a lower bowel obstruction that was causing me all the discomfort and I was also constipated, not making things any easier for me at the moment. They started me on softeners and IV fluids in one of the appointment rooms that I usually see the doctor in. They kept a watchful eye on me, but I was just itching to get the chemo started. Everything was moving 100 times slower than it seemed at the time. I was too exhausted to get anxious over it which was a good thing.
Hours would pass before my room was cleaned and ready for me. It's just the way it is, so you best learn to accept it for what it is real fast. Now I can finally get the program started. I barely remember the IV techs putting in my PICC line. We went slow with the Rituxum which ended off at around 1:30am. I was doing good so far and I was impressed at how well I was taking it for someone that almost seemed like they weren't really there at the time. Every half hour vitals, constant checking to verify that I'm not having a bad reaction to the medications.
I was beside myself in a daze that I woke from the next day feeling much better with some actual clarity of thought as I slowly snapped out of it. This was 1 of 4 24 hour chemo drips that I would be on over the next 4 days, each ending in the early am hours. The drugs were very high doses again so I know what to expect when I get off them and go home to recover over the next few weeks.Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday were good days and I worked from the hospital without feeling worn down or mentally exhausted. Team MGH did a great job of picking me up off the canvas and getting me ready for another round. That was rough, but that's what it's like to get the shit beaten out of you right before your own eyes. All I could I do was watch...
They wheeled me in there and I walked out on my own two feet on my own steam. Now I'm just strong enough to handle the backlash of the medicine when I get home.
With an inferno in my eyes and the lust for my enemy's still beating heart in my hands. I fight another round! After the second chemo cycle we'll schedule another PET/CT and assess the results. My job is to stay healthy, strong, focused and be ready to quite possibly have my ass handed back to me a few more times as the treatments continue.
The food at the hospital sucks!!!!! How the fuck they expect anyone to go through cancer treatment with quarter star rated, pre-school cafeteria quality food, baffles me. I shouldn't have to bring in my own food, but it's the only way I'll make it through the cycles.
- Anthony
