Day 9

Saturday May 11th, 2013

Doesn't make any sense to keep calling recovery time, rounds. I'm in recovery for 2 weeks at home.

Yesterday was a rough day. Today has to be a better one if I'm going to pick up any steam.

We've got some errands to run and I've got an appointment with a man that will change everything later today.

The morning was a rocky start, but once the Ativan from last night wore off I felt better.

I ate all my breakfast, but I still have some bloating from mild constipation over the past few days. I'm drinking more liquids and walking in tenths of a mile on the Gazelle.

France had some errands to run so I went along for the ride to get out of the house.

I found myself getting very angry seeing everyone doing their daily routine on a beautiful day and here I was this battered, broken down man that couldn't do what I wanted. I noticed from within the crowds of people these one or two people over here and this guy over there and another one over there. These were the people that are living the way I feel today everyday of their lives. The old guy walking downhill with one crutch under one arm and a full shopping bag in the other that had an attitude of %^&# You! Nothing is stopping me! The two old ladies that waited almost 7 minutes to safely cross the street without batting  a lash about it, they just kept their conversation going until they could cross. The gathering of elders outside of a drugstore that seemed to be engaged with this one very old woman looked more of a celebration of happiness than anything else before they all took baby steps on their own way.

I'm an angry man. You'd know I was full of ^#W& if I said I wasn't, so why be shy about it.

But that's what I'm feeling mad about. These folks have already been delt my hand and worse and look at them. This time will pass for me and I can move on. I move on a better man if I learn from these experiences and save them for the next time I have to fight or even work someones corner in their fight.

The time has come to see an amazing man, a man that will change everything. Tom Tam is his name. I call him Sifu because to me that's who he is, Sifu (Teacher/Master). Sifu Tom came into my life after my father had a stroke. Being a student of a student of his I was told to talk to my dad about TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) & Acupuncture. My dad agreed to meet with Sifu Tom and try acupuncture. My dad was treated by Sifu Tom several times, but his failing health was catching up with him and we stopped treatment.

I've seen Sifu Tom for my own reasons like my back injury and weight loss. Sifu once had me on the table performing Tui Na and the pressure was like a slab of cement on my back. I looked up in the mirror and his hands weren't even on me. All I knew is that energy was being produced from within him.

I had started to learn a method of fasting from Sifu Tom called Pi-Gu. I attended seminars and after the going got good and I felt better I got over wrapped in the daily grind and lost everything that I gained.

Sifu Tom has grown so much since I last seen him. He has helped countless thousands with disease, disorders, unexplained problems to terminally ill patients. Hearing the stories from the room full of students and participants in the Tong Ren class just reaffirms what I already know and that is that Sifu Tom Tam has found more ways to help more people.

The energy that you feel when the subject is you is very warming. If you have ever done any energy work like Reiki then you feel the vibrations of the energy.

I left Sifu Tom's feeling revived and continued to feel so all the way home.

Now I've got an awesome energy reserved for tomorrow and I'm going to use that to push forward with my game plan.

Dr. Ativan is going make sure that I sleep well tonight because tomorrow is going to be a busy day.

Round 7 - Neulasta 'The Humbling' cont.

Friday May 10th, 2013

Let me first explain that the morning after effects of Neulasta  couldn't be topped by an hours worth of swift kicks in the nuts by the best nut kickers in the world.

From my teeth to the floating chips in my elbows my body was riddled in pain. I'd have to wait to drink some more and get some food in my system before I could take my morning meds and pain meds. My body was having a very difficult time managing this all over boney pain I was in.  Every step I took hurt. My legs hurt from walking the day before and even more now. My stomach was in a tailspin and we needed to come up with a plan that was going to work because the only thing that I could imagine that was worse than this was vomiting through this pain.

Tiny sips here and there, a bite here and there got me through the morning. Later on I could take my meds and continue to work on my liquid and solid intake for the rest of the day.

It was tough to ask if was OK to lay down for a half hour or so to keep it together, but my body was spent and I was having a tough time feeding it.

I can only imagine the suffering that my aunts, uncles, friends went through without these medicines. It was a battle! France had my corner and watched over me every step of the way. I was only able to take baby steps, my knees would buckle if I tried to move quickly and my back really hurt not just from the Neulasta, but from my back injuries and pinched nerves (T2, T3, T4, T6, T7).

Doing anything other than resting and trying to slowly feed myself was my goal for the day. I shut my phone off, never turned my computer on and didn't even find it comfortable sitting upright.

I had to do blood work and France was going to take me before she went to work. My goal was to be able to take care of myself while she was gone or call someone to sit in.

We had the windows open most of the day and the fresh air started to work it's magic. I ate all my lunch around 1;30 and we headed to Mt. Auburn hospital for my blood work.

I know I looked as sickly as I felt, but ya gotta do whatcha gotta do.

I depended on my pain meds to get me through the night. Tomorrow's another day. Hopefully a better day!

The Neulasta is something that I have to take after my chemo and this was the lessons that I learned from it. I can't imagine how other people cope with the bone discomforts of their injuries or arthritis. It is an emotional stress as well. You're desperate to do anything, yet you can't do anything. For my next bout with Neulasta I'll have a better game plan that will yield better results.

Don't misjudge my battle cry because....

I AM!

I am, that I am, eternal I am.
I am an invincible source of strength and power.
Nothing can touch me!
I reign supreme over everything!

Round 6 - Neulasta 'The Humbling'

Thursday May 9th, 2013

France and I thought it may be best for me to work from home in case the Neulasta upset my stomach or caused me to be uncomfortable in any way.

We re-read the instructions and I found my target site and gave myself my shot. It's fairly simple to do.

I logged into work and started my daily routine unphased by any of this.

I still had my appetite, but I wasn't eating as much as before because I wasn't on the chemo drugs.

I did my walking on the Gazelle throughout the day to keep myself moving.

France Made an amazing dinner that lasted for the next day.

So whats so humbling about all that. Well the Neulasta is a drug that makes your body produce mass amounts of white blood cells. Sometimes when you overeat you may undue a notch in your belt, but at the bone level you can't do that. That's right i said bone.

It was maybe around 9-10pm that I started to feel some discomfort and I took a perk to manage the affects of the Neulasta

Round 5 - The Trip Home

Wednesday May 8th, 2013

We weren't antsie about going home, but more concerned that we were educated enough to manage at home. Team MGH set up practice shots of Neulasta with an orange and an empty needle. They gave us fact sheets to read about all the medicines that I would be on and a complete written break down of the chemo treatment that I had just gone through.

Time to leave was nearing and I started to extend my thanks to Team MGH and say goodby for now to those that made our stay both pleasant and comfortable.

Home was a sight for sore eyes. The Neulasta was at the doorstep waiting for us and the comforts of home could start to settle in so I could go through all the paperwork, set up a medicine dosage plan and figure out what we were going to eat for dinner.

France and I came up with a plan that would layout my day while she went to work and I would see how I felt about going to work Thursday morning.

I walked 3 miles on the Gazelle throughout the remainder of the day and took an Ativan to assure that I would sleep.

Round 4 - Chemo Day 4

Tuesday May 7th, 2013

Today's plan is to stay on  top of exercise, eating and hydration.

With the constipation behind me I've got to make a leap forward to make up the slack.

I've met a few wonderful people here at Team MGH's Cancer Center. Truly amazing people. I've stopped to chat while walking my mile around the halls and I've been humbled from what I seen, the fight in the other fighters there and their families.

I can't thank Team MGH enough! Their dedication, expertise, tenderness and knowledge because it really goes a long way for a lot of people other than myself.

Some people are not that strong for reasons beyond their control and to watch them fight their disease is moving. To share 5 minutes learning about someone in all their happiness when they may not have 10 days left is moving. To put a smile on an exhausted face as I pace by moved me.

Now I get ready to end my first cycle around 3 am and find out about discharge planning in the morning.

All the nurses have been more than helpful providing us all the info that we'd need to put our plan into action at home.

Round 3 - Chemo Day 3

Monday May 6^th, 2013

Monday morning started off continuing the struggles from yesterday with constipation. It really wouldn't be as much of a deal if i had been eating my normal portions, but I ate for two, my medicines and I.

My nurse for the morning was completely understanding and went through the procedure of approving a soap suds enema. I gladly took my enema into the john and got down to business. within a half hour I was ready for a shower. This doesn't sound appropriate to talk about, but this is how we learn, by sharing some of the most embarrassing details.

I never lost my appetite and I did cut down a bit on intake. The meals were very small so for me to eat enough to feed myself It took twice the order.

I was ready to continue to manage my day as they recommended. Drinking lots of fluids, walking, eating, communicating if anything is wrong.

A couple of times they were concerned about my blood pressure being high (110 low #), but that was because I wasn't keeping still or had pressure against my arm the were checking. After checking again I'd maintain between 80-97 low #'s.

Today I was to find out about my discharge planning. I had started early on Saturday morning so planning was for Wednesday morning. As long as everything keeps going smooth Wednesday would be the day I head home.

I decided to make today a very active day as they were telling me about the Neulasta that I would have to take 24 hours after chemo.

I was ahead of the game on strength, energy, spirit and attitude and with a bit of a chip on my shoulder I took my Ativan and went to bed.